I don't post a lot on this Blog, as you can see by looking through it, but every once in a while I have a solid resolve to try. The desire to originally make this Blog in part came from my wife and her Blog, but mostly came from studying the scriptures. I have always felt the need to keep a journal, but am only slightly better at making entries there then I am here. I hoped a Blog would inspire me to keep better records of what was going on in my family. It almost helped, but not enough.
Then, I believe it was around last summer. I was studying the Book of Jacob in the Book of Mormon. As I looked at the versed that talked about being given the records from Nephi - one record for the doctrine and one for the history of their people. That's when it came to me, I should try to keep 2 records as well. My journal can contain things of a more spiritual nature, while the Blog can be more historical. By the number of entries I've made since then you can tell how well I've done with that. Hopefully now I'll do better.
In my occasional journal entries I've made lately I have mostly been writing down memories of Ethne because I never want to forget them. While I've done that I have seen my entries get shorter and shorter, not because I am running out of memories, but because it's somewhat emotionally draining to try and focus on just her and the memories she left behind. But it is of the utmost importance to me that I have them and that they are never forgotten by my family either.
I would like to share some of those memories with the world. These memories are a little harder to write about because I see the pictures I am going to share everyday. These pictures are a part of a slideshow background on my phone. I have thought about just setting a background picture so they don't keep flashing in front of me so much; but at the same time I would rather experience the sadness of looking at her pictures every day, than pretend to ignore those memories. So here they are for me to share them with you. All three of you that will read this. ;)
 | ||
| At Work with Daddy |
She figured out how to open the door to the office and loved to play her usual game - Run Away From Daddy. She would sneak off and go say hi to the other agents that worked in the office. They all would come out of their office to watch her run away from me. Everyone would get a good laugh out of it.
I recently ran into a friend that worked there as well and he hadn't heard the news. When I told him about the accident I think it hit him pretty hard. He commented on remembering her running around the office and being so happy and playful. There were a couple people who would try to say hi and she would scream at them. It was usually with the girls in the office, but not all of the girls.
My boss while I was there, Tim, came to the viewing and it really meant a lot to me; as well as all of the others from Farmers who came. I still feel that they are all friends, even if we don't work together anymore.
 | ||
| Daddy's Pillow |
In the last few months before she died she made a discovery. She could go get Daddy's pillow, bring it into the living room, lay down on the couch with it, demand a blanket, and just relax. I use to use it as a tool to get her to walk in the house so that I wouldn't have to carry both her and Edward. Knowing the pillow was inside waiting for her was enough cause to stop whining and start walking. I would always tell her that she could come in and get my pillow. I informed her that if she fell asleep before Mommy got home she could take her nap on the couch, otherwise Mommy would make her go to her bed. She was usually still awake. I think playing a little "Tiger Woods Golf" on the Wii didn't help her sleep much. Especially when she was giving me five every time i had a good hit and yelling, "boo-yeah!" I was so proud of how fast she learned to say "boo-yeah" whenever she gave fives. She would always be so excited when she said it too. It was our little game and she loved it.
I would always be reminded if something was off when she laid down. If I forgot the blanket she let me know and I was not left in peace until I gave it to her. It still warms my heart to this day to know how much she loved "Daddy's pillow."
Melissa and I still talk about how she would go and get the pillow and it was bigger than she was. You could hear her tripping down the hall, or even occasionally run into the wall because she couldn't see over it. None of these things would deter her. She knew that she wanted to lay down on my pillow and nothing was going to stop that.
 |
| Feeding Daddy |
One day while my parents were down I went with them on my day off to help Mike and Heidi work on their basement. Melissa was unable to go that day and I thought it would be fun for Ethne to hang out with her cousins, aunts, and grandma while we worked on the basement. She had a blast too! At one point she escaped into the backyard and found the wading pool with about an inch or two of rain water in the bottom. Loving to swim and play in the water like she did, she decided she needed to climb in with her clothes on and play in the water. It was a little scary to not know where she went and to find her in the water, but she had only been there for a minute and I found the whole story quite funny. I still do.
When we took a lunch break we went to Apollo Burger. I got a small shake for her to eat, but she wasn't to interested in it. I tried the old "I'm going to eat it before you do" trick which didn't work. Instead she decided that she wanted to help me by feeding it to me. she usually didn't get that much in the spoon as she would dip the spoon in the shake and put it in my mouth. It was to much fun not to take a picture of it to share with Mommy.
As the day progressed she hated it when I would go down stairs because we made a lot of loud scary noises. One clear aspect of her love for us is that she was very concerned for our well being all of the time. If something scary happened she would cry in terror that something had happened to us. One time as we were about to give Edward a bath we had him all undressed and he started pooping in the floor. She saw it and instantly started to cry. She was sure that something was wrong and that Edward was hurt. We had to take her out of the room and assure her everything was OK. When we took her back in to see Edward she was so happy to see him smiling and playing. Her love for everyone, particularly her family, will always shine as an example to me.
 |
| Onion Salt Mischief |
Being an innocent little girl, she never did anything wrong, but she certainly loved being mischievous. She always seemed to have a look on her face like she was about to do something and we couldn't stop her. This was one of those things that we didn't stop in time. If I remember right, I wasn't even home for this. Melissa sent me the picture so I knew what our daughter had been doing that day.
This picture just reminds me of her half smile look when she was caught doing something, or thinking about what she was going to do next. Something else she would do if she was home when I came home was run to the door. Sometimes she would be yelling for me and she always had the most excited look on her face possible. She would run up to me like she was ready to jump into my arms for hugs and kisses. She would stop about a foot away, give me the half smile, and turn around and run. This indicated that if I wanted her irresistible hugs and kisses, I had to chase her and go get them. I always did, and she loved that I wold play along with her. That's what I think of when I see this picture.
This moment was very typical of things that she might do, yet she was so cute the way that she did it we could never be truly mad at her. I only remember being mad at her for longer than a few seconds once, and it is the darkest memory I have from my entire life. I am still fairly young, but I don't think I'll ever have a much worse memory.
 |
| Neck Brace Freedom |
This last picture isn't of Ethne, but it's a reminder of the day that I almost lost my family. I thought I had more pictures on my phone of Ethne, but I'm not sure what happened to them. I'm sure Melissa does on her phone.
This is of Edward in the hospital the day after the accident. That morning they took off the neck brace and he was so grateful. All he wanted to do was sit up and play. You would've never known he was in an accident by his attitude. He is a positive, happy little boy. I hope he always stays that way. I took this picture with my phone to have with me when I went to check on Melissa. She was in and out of sleep and didn't remember anything we said to her. She still didn't know about Ethne at that point, and we were waiting to tell until she was awake enough that she would remember. By the time that moment arrived she had already figured it out. Every time she woke up she would ask about the kids, and I hoped this picture of how well and happy Edward was would bring her joy, while I would reassure her that Ethne was safe and happy, which is absolutely true. This photo helps me remember that all of my family was protected in a way. My wife and son were left here so I could hold them, and my daughter quietly carried on to the next life where she could hold us.
No comments:
Post a Comment